I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
