I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
