I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
and you fell through a lawn chair
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