i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I had to cum in my sink.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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