well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
