so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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