girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
