BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
