i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
