one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
