i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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