I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
