one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she told me i tasted like america
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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