so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
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The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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