i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
