I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
