what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
