I never want to see another naked old woman again.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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