better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
