dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
