i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
