I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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