you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
