Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
