I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
