She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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