Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
