cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
