We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
