OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
