Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
