i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
