atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
