you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
