so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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