I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
