He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
