he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
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I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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