You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
