dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
