The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
