is your mom at the bar?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize