dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
