You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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