I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
