I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he fucked my hip out of place.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
