you traded sex for a burrito?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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