Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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