Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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