We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
