too bad you live with your parents still
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
