he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
