I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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