i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
