do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
