i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
