Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
