i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
