Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
