if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
