Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
