I like my sex mixed with concussions.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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