i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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