I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
