apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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