We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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