meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
