she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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