you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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