I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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